Sunday, April 9, 2006

Kenny Rogers the gambler by plusultra


Kenny Facelift Rogers doesn't even look himself anymore. So I rewrote his famous tune The Gambler to keep up with his modern image:

On a warm summer’s evenin’
on a table bound for nowhere,
I met up with the surgeon;
we were both too high to sleep.
So we took turns a starin’
in the mirror at the oldness’
til madness overtook us,
and he began to speak.
He said, son, I’ve made a life out of changing people’s faces,
And knowin’ what their flaws were
by the crows feet around their eyes.
So if you don’t mind my sayin’,
I can see you need a facelift.
For a taste of your kidney
I’ll put you under the knife.
So I handed him my money
and he Banked my last Dollah.
Then he put silicone in my bum
and made my pecs all tight.
And the night got deathly quiet,
and my face lost all expression.
Said, if you’re gonna have plastic surgery, boy,
ya gotta learn to keep it tight.
You got to know when to tummy tuck'em,
know when to lypo suck’em,
Know when to botox away and
know when to collagen.
You never count your wrinkles
when you’re lyin’ on the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’
when the peelin’s done.
Now ev’ry plastic surgeon knows that the
secret to survivin’Is knowin’ what to cut away
and knowing what to keep.’
cause ev’ry face's a winner and
ev’ry face's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for
is lasers on your skin.
So when he’d finished tweakin’,
he turned back towards the mirror,
took off my bandages and tried not to make a peep.
And somewhere in the darkness
the surgeon, he broke my nose.
But in his final works
I found a face that I could keep.
You got to know when to tummy-tuck ’em,
know when to lypo-suck'em
Know when to botox away
and know when to collagen.
You never count your wrinkles
when you’re lyin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’
when the peelin’s done.

2 comments:

jan said...

Brilliant. I'm picking myself up off the floor.

Mikestar said...

Good Gravy!
What the did he do to his face? He looks 10 years sillier... Great song!