Friday, March 23, 2007

Quitting Smoking

Desperate people make great actors. They have to in order to survive, and who is more desperate than a an addict with no money and no funny. I have always had a compulsion towards excess and I took Andy Warhol's advice quite seriously when he said to "try every drug once", twice even. Have you ever tried to quit smoking cigarettes? It can be extremely difficult and for me next to impossible.
Unfortunately due to my excess behavior and avant-garde financial sense(my credit is so bad, most people won't even accept my cash anymore), I recently found myself unable to purchase any smokes, never mind buy anything mind-numbing, state altering, gambling, or even a cup of coffee never mind, even food would have been a luxury. At this point of poverty a man has a very clear idea of what his priorities are. Mine were clearly:
5.Sounds like a slice of heaven to me! What else is there?

So, that was the philosophy anyway. Than I realized if I could quit smoking cigarettes, buying Tim Horton's coffee everyday, smoking joint after joint 25 hours a day, I would probably never be broke nor hungry. These desperate hungry days were awful and I could still remember the days before I was such a lazy chain smoking clown. If I did not miss smoking, life would be so great. If I was not so hopped up on juicy juicy weedy weedy all the time, maybe I could hold down a real job, maybe even buy a car and a house. Who knows at this rate perhaps I could become very healthy and become an athlete than join politics and become the prime minister of Canada and than the Emperor of the world one day eventually. And with all this power and all this money I could do what ever I wanted. Hmmm, I wonder what I would want most? Probably just some cigarettes, weed, and pizza. Darn those damn addictions! I guess I am destined to be a clown. If I was half as smart as I think I am I would have quit years ago. Any suggestions out there on how I can quit?


d. chedwick bryant said...

once you turn 30 you'll quit--unless you're a "very young" 30, in which case you will quit these things at 40, or later, when you are in a hospital bed and a Doctor's face is in yours listing things you cannot do anymore.

d. chedwick bryant said...

34, eh? I'd party for another 6 months, then give it up. I'd give up the most expensive things first. One at a time, except coffee... unless you drink more than 3 shots of espresso a day, i think coffee is fine.

d. chedwick bryant said...

This is how I quit smoking.
I'd buy a pack and figured that they had to last me for a specific amount of time, 20 cigs - 3 per day. I found that some days i wouldn't smoke more than 1 or 2, in case I would need some emergency "stress" smoke later on in the week. after a few months I was a 2 a day smoker (sometimes going a week without one tho) Cold Turkey works with booze (alternate drinks abound) and pot (super expensive anyway)

but I found that with coffee and cigs, weaning was better for me, I don't crave cigs anymore at all, they even bug me slightly now.

Princess Haiku said...

Various friends have shared their quit strategies with me and almost everyone mentioned the nicotine wean off; i.e. cut back every day for a certain time period and prepare yourself mentally for the PLUNGE. You can do it; millions have. Some say the nicotine patch helps, hypnosis works, playing "I can stop" CDs, bitter licorice candy can curb cravings, exercise- keep busy. Some people for unknown reasons decide to quit during periods of extreme stress; day after a break-up etc. Can't explain that but it helps to be on a somewhat level emotional plateau. Good luck in your efforts and persist.